My Military Boots

"Through the hard times people say "You gotta be strong."
Through the hard times people say "You gotta keep going on."
Through the hard times people try and kick you when you're down.
Through these hard times don't it always seem like there's never anyone around
To help you when you're strung out?"

- "Hard Times" by Plan B


My high school years were some of the most difficult years of growing up for me. It was my first time in a public school, and it was, needless to say, a huge culture shock for me. This was where I had my first reality check, and it proved to me that the world is not always a kind place. Once you show your insecurities and show your tears to the world, you can forget having ANY mercy shown to you. Although these were hard lessons that I had to learn on my own, I wasn't alone during those hard times.

During my junior year of high school, I began my first real relationship with a senior from another high school. It was the first time that I felt that I didn't have to try to be like all the other girls at school, nor like the girls that I saw in music videos on tv. He made me feel that me being unique and not being anyone's carbon copy was the best thing that he admired about me.

Before he came into my life, I would find myself daily battling to find myself, and was constantly seeking out approval from other people, never realizing that I was only hurting myself trying to be like others. I would try to fit into the tightest jeans I could find at the mall, the tightest shirts, the highest heels, and turned to certain magazines to find out what "true beauty" was. I wanted to be accepted by men and I wanted to feel beautiful, as any young girl in her teen years would want. I didn't realize that this whole high school world was going to end faster than I thought, and at the end none of it would matter.

But I remember while I was out with my then boyfriend, I was wearing a pair of combat boots that I had just bought. When he and I went out to the movies, he looked at my boots and he said, "You know you're my favorite soldier, right?" I wasn't sure what he meant. But as we were in the car, he explained it to me. He told me that he had never known a girl to battle against the stereotypes of beauty and learn to find herself despite what society said that she "should" be. He told me that he had seen me go from an insecure girl trying to find herself in this crazy world, to a woman who had finally found her voice and wasn't afraid to shout it out.

It was then that I realized that deep down I was a soldier. I had overcome odds that had been stacked miles high against me. I had the battle scars to prove it, but I never put down my weapons, and I never fell to my knees to surrender. But little did he know that I couldn't have won that battle without him. He had grown to be my best friend, and had my back throughout the entire battle.

Although years down the line we went our separate ways, never to speak again (at least up to now), I never forgot the mark that he made on my life. He helped me find myself, and to this day I'm still able to look in the mirror and love the woman that I see from the inside on out, through and through.

Truly I won the war against society's "beauty" stereotypes. I discovered my own beauty, and have been turning heads and winning hearts ever since. I guess I am a true soldier :).

Daddy's Little Girl Shoes

"No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do
No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours.
You'll always be my father.
And I'll always be your joy.

- "Your Joy" by Chrisette Michelle


"When I get married, I want my husband to be just like my dad."

Those were the words that I said as a little girl, when I was giving a speech for a class presentation/show. I will always remember the day that I said those words, and how to this day, my own father can still remember how good those words made me feel. Those were the days when I wore my "Daddy's Little Girl" shoes. In preparation for the show, I remember my mom taking me to the mall to buy me a new pair of shoes for the day of the show. She was always good about making sure that I looked my best no matter where I was going, and that still applies to me today.

When I first said those words, I never realized how much of an impact that they would have on me even today. I have always thought of my father as my Superman. He was always the strongest man in the world, and to this day, I'm still his little girl. I began to truly understand love not just by what I read in story books and saw in movies. But I learned about the way that a man should love his woman, by witnessing my dad's love for my mother. Ever since day one, my dad was always so proud to have my mother as his woman. He made a great effort every single day to see to it that she smiled. They've been together for over 30 years, and that spark still has not left their marriage. People always notice how he opens the doors for her, how he pulls out her chair, how he will stop at nothing to make her happy, and just how he proclaims to the world that she is indeed the love of his life.

As I became of age to have boyfriends and be attracted to men, I realized how much my dad's acts of love and chivalry played a role in what I desired in a man. I desired men who would put me first. Men who would display the long-forgotten old school chivalry that he does. Men who would make me a priority. Men who would simply be the man that my father is to my own mother. Now, some people may say that's just too demanding. But as a child, my father treated me like his own princess. So I knew that my future husband would have to treat me like I'm his queen, and the right one will do that each and every day, come what may.

It was the lesson of chivalry that I learned while walking in my "Daddy's Little Girl" shoes. I learned through him that only a true man - my one true love - will put me on a pedestal and treat me like the queen that I deserved to be. It was then that I learned that boys will come and go. But only a real man will treat me even better than my own father.

Only then will I be able to say that those words that I spoke as a young girl have come to pass.